salowi

I just woke up full of the grogginess and disassociation which generally seems to follow a migraine. I let the dog out and stood at the back door for a while, breathing in the crisp November air. The sun was so low in the sky and the light so rich that I thought I'd slept until late afternoon. It was only midday though. I was struck by the vitality around me, as if seeing the world through the eyes of a stranger, or one who had been away for a very long time. My drab, neglected little garden was bursting with life. Insects were flitting productively amongst the plants, the sky was a mass of birds and the trees were filled with their movements

I wish that I knew who I was. I'm 36 years old and I don't have a clue. I think I've spent most of my life pretending to be whoever I thought the people around me would like the best, the big problem with that is that I have far too many issues which hinder me, I can't fake social skills I've never learnt nor confidence. This means that I can never give a convincing performance in any part I attempt to play. I know the things that I like, the things that matter to me. Even here though there is confusion. So many of my interests, morals, dreams etc contradict each other, they just don't seem to 'fit' together. I'll be asked " How can you beli